Patrick Swayze Was a Comet
Patrick Swayze, dead at 57. And the Gruesome Celebricide of ’09 marches on, unimpeded. This time taking a sizable chunk of my childhood movie memories with it.
Archive for the ‘Off Topic’ Category
You’ll Have to Do Slightly Better Than That, Roger
I’m not saying this wasn’t a fine shot. I’m just saying that it could’ve been better. Like, say, if it drilled Novak Djokovic dead square in the forehead — knocking him unconscious – and three white doves emerged from the exploded ball & flew off into the night as Federer celebrated the feat by shredding an air-guitar solo [...]
The Horse is Out of the Barn … Almost
The gut-wrenching, soul-churning, lifespan-reducing magnificence of another Colts season begins in two hours. [headbutts computer screen] When & where it ends, obviously, is yet to be decided. Often times, it concludes in heartbreak & late-night realizations that God hates us. These are rather unpleasant experiences, and why I have no functional stomach lining today. Other times? It ends in the splendor of martial [...]
The Age-Old Dilemma
The depth of my disdain for Ohio State is bottomless. And yet, as a fierce & loyal defender of the Big Ten, I have no choice but to pull for them – I have no other options. Right? RIGHT??? [vomits ... sells soul ... becomes filled with raw evil & meathead-ish-ness & Mad Dog 20/20] Right.
Only 116 Hours, 23 Minutes Until Bob Sanders Is Released From His Steel Velociraptor Cage & Encouraged to Maim As He Sees Fit
This isn’t even vaguely related to IndyCar. Rather, it’s related to your own survival — for he will once again be free to roam & wreak havoc, both on the field and off. You are hereby warned, and advised to be on the lookout for the telltale signs that Bob is near:
Y.E. Yang Wins PGA, Impresses Nobody in 18th Green Grandstands
From the looks of it, Minnesotans prefer their Major winners exactly like they prefer their fine chardonnays … not-Korean. A impossibly gutsy 72nd hole birdie to seal the biggest upset in PGA Championship history — shown above — deserves a polite clap from the gallery, I’d think. Or at the very least, something more than complete & utter disdain. Yang whipped [...]
An Entire Country Remains Unimpressed, Mr. Wise
Meh. Another leaping, juggling, bare-handed grab off a dead sprint to **YAAAAAAAWN** rob a homerun in the top of the 9th and thus save the 18th perfect game in Major League history? How very pedestrian & unoriginal. Throw it on the pile with the others, won’t you? [shuts off sarcarsm spicket] HOLY SWEET JESUS IN THE ON-DECK CIRCLE [...]
