[The WTR Report runs every Monday at around noon throughout the season] I find lawn-related chores most disagreeable. Mowing and mulching and edging and such. They’re boring and burdensome and they lend themselves poorly to my three most cherished weekend necessities: slothfulness, instant gratification, and quasi-violence. They’re far from helpful in those departments, and I want no part of them. Except for [...]

After much deliberation, I’ve concluded that there will be no Chicago Recap. For one very simple reason: the race was just that spectacularly awesome. That remarkably entertaining. In every possible aspect. Thereby making my job here borderline impossible.

Unfortunately, I’m no stranger to the dusty landscape of the Bush Leagues. It’s a sad, desolate place for sure — filled with perpetual darkness and Teem soda. It’s a place I’m all too familiar with, frankly. In fact, I’m more acquainted with it than the average, well-adjusted, non-paint-huffing mind could even comprehend. For a number [...]

If left to our own devices, men would just destroy society’s infrastructure. Mercilessly. Efficiently. Apathetically — if not outright unknowingly. Our tenets of civilization … our rules … our morals … our financial institutions … our highway system … our National Parks … all that we know … all that we are … all that [...]

There are things in life that don’t quite rise to the level of “inevitable,” per se. But they come close to it. Things that you shouldn’t necessarily count on happening — but that shouldn’t surprise you when they do.

The Pagoda recognizes the magnificent splendor of Iowa. We always have. More specifically, we recognize the immense contributions the state has made to this country’s most precious natural resource: Bad-ass-ism. Pure, pristine, fuel-grade bad-ass-ism.

Saturday night’s Bombardier Learjet 550 drove home a universal mathematical truth: insanely tight spaces + 210 mph speeds + non-stop passing + car-mounted Hi-Def cameras = exceedingly compelling television. Mesmerizing television, really. And not just for the cosmically stoned viewers. This race put forth the type of crazed uber-action that even sober, remedial race fans [...]