Below is a preliminary list of the classes being offered, the professor’s name, and a brief description of the class in the professor’s own words.
Remember: Fall Classes begin this fall! Don’t be late! Sign up NOW!!!
CLASS: Geography 201
PROFESSOR: Jack Arute
PROFESSOR’S CLASS DESCRIPTION: “Hey, gang! Ready to discover the WORLD? We’ll start in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania — where three mighty rivers (the Mekong, the Thames, and the Baltic Sea) join together to form the Great Barrier Reef! And from there, we’ll go wherever the balmy coastal tradewinds of Moscow carry us!!”
CLASS: Advanced Phys. Ed.
PROFESSOR: Tony Kanaan
PROFESSOR’S CLASS DESCRIPTION: “We will punish our bodies through endless circuit-training & 68-mile jogs through volcanic killing fields that will having you begging for sweet, sweet death. We will nourish ourselves with tree bark and Human Growth Hormones. Then we will Tweet our adventures to all the disgusting fatbodies out there, filling their flabby hearts with guilt. (Que quer isso dizer? Sacrifício!!!! Hihihihihihihi)”
CLASS: Remedial Television Production
PROFESSOR: ABC Sports IndyCar Technical Director
PROFESSOR’S CLASS DESCRIPTION: “boobies boobies boobies i love the boobies I need to borrow $3 this is borrrring and dumb can i go now?”
CLASS: Philosophy 301
PROFESSOR: Paul Tracy
PROFESSOR’S CLASS DESCRIPTION: “My philosophy? It’s pretty simple. Practice doesn’t breed champions … my LOINS do. That’s just the way it works. Learn that shit, homes.”
PROFESSOR: AJ Foyt
PROFESSOR’S CLASS DESCRIPTION: “You can read all them queer doctor-books all you want. But them books ain’t never had fibromyalgia, thrush, hepatitis-K, jaundice, Taiwanese Super-Rabies, the shingles, sickle cell somethin-or-other, the Dengue Fever, and massive head trauma because some Mexican broad wasn’t lookin’ and ran over your face with a Chevy Silverado. Some people call that a medical encyclopedia right there. I call that JUST ANOTHER F–KING TUESDAY. You don’t like it? Then don’t take my class, Princess ShitForBrains.”
CLASS: Geology 101
PROFESSOR: Scott Dixon
PROFESSOR’S CLASS DESCRIPTION: “Come learn about rocks.”
More classes to be announced at a later date.