{Transcript from the initial Delta Wing consultation meeting — November 12, 2008}
BEN BOWLBY: Okay, the opening session of Project Delta Wing is hereby called to order. Chip, you’re in charge here. Any ideas for what the car should look like?
CHIP GANASSI: I want it to look like a bazooka missile. BUT FASTER!!! Like a dragster!!!! [slugs down a jug of Wild Irish Rose, makes loud explosion noises] But I want it to have the rear quarter panels of a ’78 Stingray. Got it, Poindexter?!?
BOWLBY: Well, Chip, I don’t think that’s such a good ide –
GANASSI: I’M NOT PAYING YOU TO THINK!!!! I’m paying you to build me the Chip Mobile!! I want it to look just like the Green Lantern’s car too … but 28-feet longer!!! And you know what the Chip Mobile needs MORE of???? [eats a ribeye whole, jumps into a hot tub with three Sports Illustrated swimsuit models] Yessir, it needs more Chip Off the Ol’ Block here. [grabs crotch] I’m talking about Big Chip Junior. I’ve been sayin’ it for years now.
BOWLBY: WHAT?!?! You can’t be serious!!!
GANASSI: Pfffffffft. Here, watch this. DIXIE!! GET IN HERE!!!
SCOTT DIXON: Yes sir?
GANASSI: What have I always said an IndyCar should look like?
SCOTT DIXON: Oh sir. Please don’t make me say it. I can’t.
GANASSI: SAY IT, KNITNOTS!!
SCOTT DIXON: Your … man parts. [cries]
GANASSI: See there, Bowlby?!?! EVERYONE AGREES!!!
BOWLBY: Chip, we can’t possibly design a car in the shape of your –
GANASSI: Shut your face, Bowlby!!! And throw a military-grade tailwing on that badboy!! Just like on the F16 Falcon!!! [drinks an entire bottle of cognac, does the Cabbage Patch dance] Like the ladies always say, the only thing that might make my dong awesomer is a massive tailwing!!!
BOWLBY: I think I’m gonna be sick.
GANASSI: THE HELL YOU SAY!! You’re gonna be rich! And we’re going to make history!!!! This meeting is adjourned!! BUILD IT JUST AS I HAVE TOLD YOU TO!!!!
BOWLBY: Fine.
By Bickelmom, February 10, 2010 @ 7:04 pm
Words can not express how funny that is.
By Jason Mcveigh, February 10, 2010 @ 7:06 pm
Thank you Roy, brilliant as always. When I first saw this thing I just thought it screamed “MALE GENITALIA!!”. I’m not sure how 33 male private parts would look chasing each other around Indy or trying to slip inside the Long Beach hairpin. I don’t like the idea but it may attract new female fans.
By Bruce Jensen, February 10, 2010 @ 7:13 pm
There is probably more truth here than we want to admit. Obviously someone was sipping something?! I graduated college with and industrial design degree with auto design as a focus. We would do outlandish drawings just to discover the possibilities. It was only conceptual with no reality expected.
This is a totally ridiculous design. I would be ashamed to associated with this. Poor Bowlby!
By H.B. Donnelly, February 10, 2010 @ 7:31 pm
the best (-ish) part is that each car has a giant hole in the rear bodywork for some sort of engineering mumbojumbo reason. So these cars can pretty much physically mate with each other….and then one of them flips over and explodes…in a manner of speaking.
By Marc, February 10, 2010 @ 7:41 pm
Big Chip Junior. Genius! That’s up there with DeltaWang.
By pressdog, February 10, 2010 @ 7:49 pm
You got a set the size of the D Wing, Roy. Also, any truth to the rumor that the Delta Wing was designed like Evel Knievel’s Snake River jum rocketcycle so IndyCar could use it to jump the shark? (Rim shot.) Thank you, I’ll be here until 2012. Be sure and tip your bloggers.
By Dex, February 10, 2010 @ 7:51 pm
I’m excited by it.
That attitude really won’t do around these parts now will it?
By Leigh O'Gorman, February 10, 2010 @ 7:55 pm
@ HB
If that’s the case, I wonder what the baby car will look like..?
By Matt, February 10, 2010 @ 7:56 pm
Seeing man parts makes you excited Dex?
By the_race_gIRL, February 10, 2010 @ 7:59 pm
Someone get the marketing team for Vaseline Man Lotion on the phone. They’re going to want to see this.
By outtaphase, February 10, 2010 @ 8:00 pm
Normally I wouldn’t take this seriously. A few backroom chats with sponsors and it’d be Dallara or Swift in a heartbeat. On the other hand, I need to stop being surprised by how far this league will go to humiliate itself out of existence. Penis.
By @99forever, February 10, 2010 @ 8:05 pm
“The only thing that might make my dong awesomer is a massive tailwing!!!”
Oh, my abs!
By CurlingRacer, February 10, 2010 @ 8:06 pm
Genius as usual…Sheer Genius. I’m sure that Viagra and Cialis…[What, Viagra and Cialis don't come up on the spell checker?? What kind of site you runnin' here Roy??]…will want to sponsor a car. As long as the race doesn’t last longer than 4 hours. If it did, we’d have to have a whole new crew of “specialists” in Safety 1 and Safety 2.
By Coz, February 10, 2010 @ 8:15 pm
Alright every one, I’ll try again:
The 5 phases of psychological depression after a Super Bowl loss are:
Dr. Hibbert: Now, a little death anxiety is normal. You can expect to go through five stages. The first is denial.
Homer: No way! Because I’m not dying!
Or in Roy’s case-No way! I’m gonna do the next 5 blogs on Indy Car designs that will never either be built or bought! Never mind that football game. This is The Silent Pagoda damn it!
Dr. Hibbert: The second is anger.
Homer: Why you little!
Or in Roy’s case: Manning, you idiot, you fool!
Dr. Hibbert: After that comes fear.
Homer: What’s after fear? What’s after fear?
Or in Roy’s case: Where’s TG, where’s the IMS, what’s a pagoda?
Dr. Hibbert: Bargaining.
Homer: Doc, you gotta get me out of this! I’ll make it worth your while!
Or with Roy: Irsay, nest year go for the 16-0 season and I’ll buy 12 PSL’s.
Dr. Hibbert: Finally, acceptance.
Homer: Well, we all gotta go sometime.
Roy: Oh well, it’s just a football game; there’s always next season.
Dr. Hibbert: Mr. Simpson, your progress astounds me. [edit]
Roy-I need to see some progress here, buddy.
By Carrie, February 10, 2010 @ 8:30 pm
“I’m not sure how 33 male private parts would look chasing each other around Indy or trying to slip inside the Long Beach hairpin.” – Internet Hubby Jason
*blink*
Ahem anyways… I’ll say it again. I liked the DeltaWing spec better when the g*ddamn Batman was driving it. If they’re gonna take it in this direction, go for the Swift or the Lola. It’d be a lot less phallic and scorn-worthy.
By Ryan Worden, February 10, 2010 @ 8:43 pm
Scene 2:
CHIP: Send me that PR Flackie!
FLACKIE: Yes your lordship, how many I subvert for you?
CHIP: I want full cover PR on this thing, but give away no actual details other than thats its called the Delta Wing and its revolutionary. [fires guns randomly into the air shouting yeehaa!]
FLACKIE: Yessir, I will be as vague and excited as possible. Anything else?
CHIP: Yeah, get my Robyn Miller. Give him this [hands Flackie mason jar of lighter fluid labeled Cheap Gin]. After he swigs it, show him the prototype and kick him to the curb. That bastard will be ranting and raving for months.
FLACKIE: Yes sir, right away sir.
CHIP: And make damned sure that anyone who has ever worked for me sings high praise. [Lifts self from hottub and rides out of room on back on elephant.]
By P Daddy, February 10, 2010 @ 9:14 pm
Quick question, when the engine blows does white smoke emit from the front in short, rapid fire? That would be awesome.
By Jason Mcveigh, February 10, 2010 @ 9:29 pm
I want to thank Delta Wing for giving us the opportunity to have one of Roys funniest posts and some of the best comments ever.
By Tom G., February 10, 2010 @ 9:47 pm
Best
Pagoda
Ever
By Neon18, February 10, 2010 @ 10:12 pm
I’m trying to imagine …Boost Mobile more wronged.
By George Phillips (Oilpressure), February 10, 2010 @ 11:30 pm
Roy Hobbson…genius (again)!
By Dan Schrementi, February 10, 2010 @ 11:45 pm
commencing slow clap in 3… 2…. 1…. *clap* *clap*
By Bob, February 11, 2010 @ 10:17 am
If the car works, they should do it. Keep the following in mind…
1. We haven’t seen a working prototype.
2. Does it achieve or exceed current performance?
3. Will it allow the series to operate at lower costs?
If we can get past the radical design, maybe this is the one. Since this is the pagoda and I can’t post something completely serious…
My first impression was that the car looks like the batmobile with a hard-on.
By BP, February 11, 2010 @ 10:28 am
The Haast Eagle has emotions? Shocking.
By Earnastine, February 11, 2010 @ 11:23 am
All I can say is OMG it looks like a Giant… Johnson.
By Rickenbacker, February 11, 2010 @ 11:25 am
The similarities between the Deltawang and the penis mobile from the “Ambiguously Gay Duo” are striking.
By boilerrx, February 11, 2010 @ 11:44 am
Where the Hell is Roger Penske? Please tell me he is not drinking Chip’s cool-ade!
By boilerrx, February 11, 2010 @ 12:10 pm
Please tell me Penske will end Chips reign of Terror!
By Earnastine, February 11, 2010 @ 2:39 pm
If your Delta Wing is red and white …you’ve had too much viagra. New warning from the Surgeon General…don’t wait to go to the Doctor!
By TripleT, February 11, 2010 @ 3:56 pm
http://c0034152.cdn.cloudfiles.rackspacecloud.com/07a6b9fb-c0df-4699-adb1-246e359ea6cf.jpg Bill France will sue for stealing his car design
By Gurney Eagle, February 11, 2010 @ 4:24 pm
Delta Wing’s next announcement: Christian Bale has been hired as a test driver.
By cappy, February 11, 2010 @ 5:00 pm
Fare thee well, Pagoda. You died the way you lived: mocking Ganassi’s wang.
By Bickelmom, February 11, 2010 @ 5:30 pm
They haven’t really pulled the plug on you, have they? Say it ain’t so, Roy! I need the Pagoda!!
By Jason Mcveigh, February 11, 2010 @ 5:52 pm
WTF? What’s all this about the Pagoda being pulled? This better be miscommunication or a sick joke.
By Tom G., February 11, 2010 @ 9:53 pm
Hobbson,
Someday the brain trust at 16th and Georgetown will be asking you to post a link to their website in your blog. You got skillz. Keep up the good work.
By Earnastine, February 11, 2010 @ 10:00 pm
Sorry to hear of your plight, much like the life of Brian:Centurion: Well, no, sir. Umm, I think it’s a joke, sir… like, uh, ‘Sillius Soddus’ or… ‘Biggus Dickus’, sir.
Pontius Pilate: [guard chuckles] What’s so funny about “Biggus Dickus? ”
Centurion: Well, it’s a joke name, sir.
Pontius Pilate: I have a vewy gweat fwiend in Wome called ‘Biggus Dickus’.
[guard chuckles]
Pontius Pilate: Silence! What is all this insolence? You will find yourself in gladiator school vewy quickly with wotten behaviour like that
By Heit Harrelson, February 12, 2010 @ 3:00 pm
Check out Bowlby’s eyebrows. They look like 2 Alf dolls debating Rowe vs Wade
By franchittilitter, February 12, 2010 @ 3:33 pm
Well, if the Delta Wang is selected and we have the Indianaphallus 500 to look forward to, I… I still am embarrassed that I can’t come up with one decent penis joke. Wait, we can call the manufacturer Genital Motors!
(crickets)
no..?
Yeah, I’m not getting a spinning bowtie anytime soon. I will say this, for some reason I expect it to have a Bricklin logo on it…
By Mike Wendler, February 13, 2010 @ 4:45 pm
Sorry you got the boot from Indycar.com over this, but hey at least you are away from that awful website design. Could that layout be any uglier or less user friendly?
I can’t even believe that they are actually considering this stupid Delta Wing car. It will be the death of the sport if picked. I certainly will end my viewership.
By Bash, February 15, 2010 @ 1:42 pm
Genital Motors… bwwwwwwwwwahahahahahhahaha!
By Tom, February 15, 2010 @ 9:39 pm
Maybe they’re playing to Enzyte to be the next series sponsor! Talk about forward thinking! Then we’ll have “Smilin Bob” saying start your engines at every race!!
By Earnasine, February 18, 2010 @ 11:02 am
How are the suits in this endeavor going to silence you tube?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v7Rg98bB2fE