Some Inbox of Opportunity questions belong to the masses. To the people — but not the dumb ones. Because sometimes, a question comes along with such immense scope & importance, no one person should be entrusted with the power to answer it. Especially when that one person is me.
Who, make no mistake, is exceedingly dumb.
[unbuttons first 4 buttons on dress shirt]
This is one of those questions:
Part of what made the previously united CART series was some individual rivalries. Too often, it seems like these guys genuinely like hanging out.
How can we bring some rivalries into the series, most specificaly between the two young Americans, Marco Andretti and Graham Rahal? Let Graham hang out with Ludacris? Would this infuriate Marco enough? Force young Marco to grow a Bobby Rahal, circa 1986, stache?
Any other suggestions you have to fuel some rivalries in gasoline alley would be much appreciated.
Harley Johnson (Phoenix)
I don’t know. If someone pistol-whipped someone else’s girlfriend, that’d certainly get the Rivalry Train rolling I’d think. But then again, pistol-whipping is my solution to everything. Except parenting problems. That’s when I prefer the soft feel of nun-chucks.
I’m out on this question. You’re in. The floor is yours. Go make us some rivalries.
By pressdog, January 20, 2010 @ 6:34 pm
Sarah Fisher and Danica Patrick. Couple well placed fat and flat comments and BAM, chick fight. You’re welcome.
By Indyfan, January 20, 2010 @ 7:09 pm
Rivalries is one thing. What if the drivers just didn’t pose like clowns (see above) then maybe more of the general public would consider looking up to them as, dare I say, role models, respectable athletes or even adults?
By Catie, January 20, 2010 @ 7:09 pm
1. Wet towel slapping. Feature Milka and Marco and see who cries first. My bet is on Marco.
1a. substitute Danica for Marco and have both ladies wearing skanky bikinis.
2. Get someone (anyone) to splash mud on Dan Wheldon’s shoes. Instant rivalry.
I should go to girly hell for 1a.
By Catie, January 20, 2010 @ 7:10 pm
In all seriousness, you have a point Indyfan.
By Neon18, January 20, 2010 @ 7:27 pm
There is enough GLBT in this series…
GR is the last Great Hope.
How about Bobby Rahal teaming up with Vision Racing, get Patric Dempsy to make a few appearances and give GR back his McDonald’s Car and let him race against his friend, the trader, RHR.
By P Daddy, January 20, 2010 @ 7:33 pm
Indyfan, I now have a rivalry with you. Role models? Have we not learned our lesson from Tiger, A-Rod, McGwire, Bonds and every other athlete/cheater? Let’s look to ourselves for morality and leadership. Who said these guys and gals owe us anything other than good racing? Noone, that’s who. With that said, I think we let EJ out of his cage and attack the new face of IndyCar…Mr. Hunter-Reay. A good bump in the first turn of the first race would send a nice message to pretty boy and his fancy car. Someone needs to pick on the teacher’s pet.
By cappy, January 20, 2010 @ 7:35 pm
Instead of rewarding the race winners, punish the losers. Punish them with furious anger and grave bodily harm! Just like in Japanese game shows!
By DonMedia, January 20, 2010 @ 7:43 pm
Get Paul Tracy a full time ride. PT was always colorful on and off the track.
By chris, January 20, 2010 @ 7:44 pm
put PT back in a full time ride
By Mike Hare, January 20, 2010 @ 7:49 pm
If we had more than one engine and chassis the rivalries would take care of themselves. Yes, I know the economy sux but I would be shocked if Panoz or someone could not compete with Dallara, given an opportunity. And how many engine manufacturers does GrandAm and ALMS attract and the best ICS can do is !?
By pressdog, January 20, 2010 @ 7:57 pm
Import both Bourdais and Tracy. Problem solved. You’re welcome again.
By Neon18, January 20, 2010 @ 8:01 pm
Sam Hornish could also join Vision racing part-time with Paul Tracy, under Bobby Rahal and TG.
BTW – Izod really snapped their drive shaft for not signing RHR and GR togeather. McDonald’s and the original Izod- Livery for RHR (with the beautiful Izod girls in the 2 seater pace car) would have been so cool for the young kids who desperately need Clean American Role models.
I am buying Polo Ralph Lauren from now on. (The Izod Indy shirts are on sale at BJ’s for about $5.00 in Florida….if anyone wants them now.)
By Neon18, January 20, 2010 @ 8:59 pm
BTW,Roy, (Marco would have to glue on the Rahal mustache..even Gillette knows that.
By Randomself, January 20, 2010 @ 9:06 pm
The current cars don’t cause very many “let’s fight” moments. Remember when PT took the air off little Al’s nose through the D at Michigan. Those cars went tight/loose/tight in that situation and that “oh sh*@!” moment made Little Al go berserk, saying ” You don’t pull that sh*# on me or anybody on the front straight here! You hear me, huh!?!?!” . Or when Nigel wrecked Emo at Vancouver under braking in ’94, Emo ran up to Nigel like he wanted to fight and Nigel started back pedaling with his hands up. Make the 2012 car really hard to drive so all the drivers are on the verge of insanity all the time, rivalries will pop up all over the place.
By DZ, January 20, 2010 @ 10:26 pm
I think Randomself is on to something here. Maybe the rivalry should be between driver and machine.
Make the drivers actually p}$$ themselves once in a while and see what happens. I doubt most do unless they get too much gatorade intake through their fancy built-in drink supply line.
If AJ were driving today, I bet he would be steering with one hand and eating a sandwich with the other, recalling old days of hanging onto an ill-handling Meskowski Offy on the dirt at DuQuoin…
By Earnastine, January 20, 2010 @ 10:32 pm
Whatever happened to the idea of “equal teams”?
4 against 2
4 against 1
4 against 0
Isn’t that like 12 against 3….
I think you have all the hate you need-
By Jason Mcveigh, January 20, 2010 @ 11:11 pm
Several comments are suggesting for a full time PT return and here’s another one. Get PT a full time ride and the rivalries will sort themselves out.. PT vs Helio has all the back story already there but really, Helio’s just too damn nice so I could see a PT vs Wheldon rivalry. Totally opposite personalities. The Bad boy vs The pretty boy. “The Thrill” vs “The Teeth”. Let’s get it on!
By BP, January 20, 2010 @ 11:27 pm
Girl fights are great. And Paul Tracy is obvious. But the series needs some new, fresh blood in the water.
We need Scott Dixon to drop a haka on Ryan Briscoe, or for someone to slip some Nair into Dan Wheldon’s shampoo. Or to stain Captain Black Light’s teeth.
By Hamilton Fish, January 21, 2010 @ 8:49 am
How have grid girls in some fashion not become part of the race day experience? I went to 4 races last year and nothing. I’m pretty sure the mildly obese guy from Peoria would appreciate oogling some eye candy instead of watching Justin Wilson do a parade lap in the bed of a Toyota Tundra. Call me sexist, call me a chauvinist but it’s the truth. These lame driver introductions and the uncomfortable, lethargic golf claps that accompany them are about as exciting as a Creed concert…not effin’ very.
By Jason Mcveigh, January 21, 2010 @ 9:42 am
Hamilton Fish may be “sexist” and a “chauvinist” but he’s not a liar. Grid girls are the way to go. How about the grid girls at each race be cheerleaders from a local sports franchise? It would give Indycar some cross promotional tie ins with the NFL, NBA etc. For instance, at the St. Pete race the grid girls could be the Tampa Bay Bucaneers cheerleaders. For Indy, they could use the Pacers cheerleaders. For somewhere like Iowa they could use just plain good old american farm girls. Think about it.
By Catie, January 21, 2010 @ 10:09 am
“For somewhere like Iowa they could use just plain good old american farm girls. Think about it.”
Dude, don’t go there. I’m from freaking Iowa and that image may traumatize me. I blame Hobbson (it’s always his fault).
By Jason Mcveigh, January 21, 2010 @ 10:41 am
Yeah Hobbson, stop encouraging impressionable commenters to think about Iowa farm girls in their cut off Daisy Duke jeans polishing Indycars on the grid like Jessica Simpson in that video for “these boots” !!
By AlterEgo, January 21, 2010 @ 11:16 am
If you guys get grid girls, I think the ladies deserve some male drivers shirtless during parade laps.
By Chris, January 21, 2010 @ 11:55 am
Bring back the Panoz DP01 for the Champ Car teams. Make it an IndyCar vs. Champ Car direct competition. Talk about a war. And because the DP01 is so much newer and faster, the IndyCar loyalists would REALLY start the hate…
By The Speedgeek, January 21, 2010 @ 1:35 pm
When I read that headline, I thought it said “How Do We Bring Back The Haute?” My reaction to that is: Terre Haute does not need bringing back. Of course, I have a special fondness for moonshine stills, outhouses, and creosote plants, so I may not be the best person to ask there.
As far as bringing back the hate? I dunno. Reward drivers with one bonus point for every time they call out another driver for blocking? Give the “Fast Six” drivers access to a special pre-race spread of delicious meats, cheeses and Cuban cigars? Mandate that the drivers play “musical motorhomes”, which’ll tempt everybody into buying 1974 Winnebagos that the other drivers will be stuck sleeping in?
By Riss, January 21, 2010 @ 1:36 pm
2 words: Robby Gordon.
Robby has never been one to shy away from controversy (even in that series with fenders), and always had as much talent as anyone I have ever seen. Team him with Tracy and Moraes, and just stand back and watch it explode like a baking soda volcano. Only replace the baking soda with stadium quality illegal fireworks.
By Carrie, January 21, 2010 @ 3:10 pm
What Riss said! *eg*
Oh, and shirtless drivers Alterego? Really? Have you seen these drivers? They’re all built like 14 year-old boys… even the girls LOL.
By larz, January 21, 2010 @ 3:12 pm
revelation: after viewing Nelson Piquet Sr.s face-smashing-crash in 1992 at Indy, it dawned on me. There are no drivers foraging for a run at the 500 anymore. Without the elite of the world, like the 500 used to be, it will be just another five hundred mile race. Bring Schumaker, Button, Busch’s, and any other mucker that can run a car. I’ll drink a Stortebeker to that…
By Hippie, January 21, 2010 @ 3:39 pm
Dear Speedgeek,
Despite being a rat’s nest of toothless human’s in jorts, The Action Track is a thing of beauty. I relish my once a year pilgrimage to the dustbowl/strip mall.
It’s the only track I’ve been to wear you forgo that primo parking spot because is someone EJ Viso’s a slide job into Turn 1, they might end up landing on your car.
Now back to your Prevost bus Speedgeek, for if you really had a 1974 Winnie, you would understand the charm of Terre Haute.
By AlterEgo, January 21, 2010 @ 5:13 pm
Surely a few would be worthy, Carrie?! No one needs Marco “So’s Your Face” Andretti, but perhaps TK? These guys are always talking about working out, let’s see the results!
By Earnastine, January 21, 2010 @ 6:52 pm
Terre Hautte is in fact the home of the Clabber- Girl, where “hot” began.
Where did you get this photo?
…so funny “The Beginning of the End”…
By Coz, January 21, 2010 @ 9:10 pm
It’s obvious: throw some raw hamburger in between AJ and Penske.
By Carrie, January 21, 2010 @ 10:03 pm
Alterego: Now that I’ve thought about it, I’m having visions of an oiled-up shirtless Tomas Scheckter. I think you may be onto something.
By cappy, January 21, 2010 @ 11:47 pm
On second thought, let’s not rule out pistol whipping significant others.
By Jeff L., January 22, 2010 @ 10:02 am
I agree with those that say we need more bumping but these days it’s just not safe. So lets get them out of the cars and on a couch together with controllers in their hands. We’ve all played video games before and know just the type of shit talking rivalries that sprout up and just imagine the carnage on the track!
By Jeff L., January 22, 2010 @ 10:13 am
And how about starting some rivalries with a Silent Pagoda Fantasy Racing League?
By Dan Schrementi, January 22, 2010 @ 11:22 pm
Give Robin Miller access to speak in all in-car audio. Let the master pot stirrer start the brew on-track
By Dan Schrementi, January 22, 2010 @ 11:35 pm
TWO WORDS: Cockpit Cobras
By Mark, January 24, 2010 @ 12:37 am
I’m sure, Mr. Hobbson, if you and Ms. Thackston just lead by example here at the Pagoda, the drivers will follow
By Roy Hobbson, January 24, 2010 @ 1:03 am
^^^^ [irritated Seinfeld voice through clinched jaw] THACKSTON!