Below are some quick facts about this city I so dearly love. I didn’t have time to research these, of course, but I’m fairly certain they’re accurate. Or at least, they’re not inaccurate. Potentially.
- the average temperature is 84-degrees;
- all unattractive women have been shipped off to work in Argentinian tanneries;
- bars close at 10:30 AM;
- the city’s original motto — dating back to 1528 — is “GET NAKED!!!!”;
- daggers are an accepted form of currency;
- the average work week is 38 minutes;
- the Polícia has standing orders to open fire on nerds & downers straying into city limits, no questions asked;
- judicial rulings are based on the greater weight of the beach-volleyball prowess;
- “Carnival” is exactly like “Mardi Gras” — but 72 billion times more uninhibited & drunken;
- shooting someone with a cannonball is a sign of affection;
- there’s a giant statue of Pelé, I think, watching over the city with open arms;
- the official flag of Rio is a bottle of cachaça;
- it’s quite possibly the greatest city on Earth.
Sweet Jesus we’re going to Rio!!!