Patrick Swayze Was a Comet
Patrick Swayze, dead at 57. And the Gruesome Celebricide of ’09 marches on, unimpeded. This time taking a sizable chunk of my childhood movie memories with it.
Archive for September, 2009
You’ll Have to Do Slightly Better Than That, Roger
I’m not saying this wasn’t a fine shot. I’m just saying that it could’ve been better. Like, say, if it drilled Novak Djokovic dead square in the forehead — knocking him unconscious – and three white doves emerged from the exploded ball & flew off into the night as Federer celebrated the feat by shredding an air-guitar solo [...]
The Horse is Out of the Barn … Almost
The gut-wrenching, soul-churning, lifespan-reducing magnificence of another Colts season begins in two hours. [headbutts computer screen] When & where it ends, obviously, is yet to be decided. Often times, it concludes in heartbreak & late-night realizations that God hates us. These are rather unpleasant experiences, and why I have no functional stomach lining today. Other times? It ends in the splendor of martial [...]
The Age-Old Dilemma
The depth of my disdain for Ohio State is bottomless. And yet, as a fierce & loyal defender of the Big Ten, I have no choice but to pull for them – I have no other options. Right? RIGHT??? [vomits ... sells soul ... becomes filled with raw evil & meathead-ish-ness & Mad Dog 20/20] Right.
Giving Credit Where Credit Is Due
Nobody ever gives accolades to a pharmacist, for example, for a job well done. Or to an NFL referee. Or a radiologist. Or a mailman. Or a judge. Or a ferry boat captain. Nobody ever gives the structural engineer a shoutout when the bridge they’re driving over doesn’t collapse. (HOORAY!!! Another successful crossing!! Those gusset-joined girders there?!? GENIUS!!!) We haven’t the time for it, and it’s [...]
Sold Out
Sorry, folks. We sold our last box of Sage Advice for IndyCar some time ago. What you’re going to want to do is, head over to the Indy Star and look for Bob Kravitz’s article. He’s got almost the exact same make & model that we’re sold out of (except his is the more Danica-centric version):
Only 116 Hours, 23 Minutes Until Bob Sanders Is Released From His Steel Velociraptor Cage & Encouraged to Maim As He Sees Fit
This isn’t even vaguely related to IndyCar. Rather, it’s related to your own survival — for he will once again be free to roam & wreak havoc, both on the field and off. You are hereby warned, and advised to be on the lookout for the telltale signs that Bob is near:
