When Mario Moraes took his Crazy to new heights by violently bayonetting EJ Viso LONG AFTER THE CHECKERED FLAG HAD DROPPED, a wonderful chain of events was set in motion. An unstoppable, mesmorizing chain of events that will redefine Crazy as we know it, and certainly outlive us all (seeing as how it’ll probably murder everyone who gazes upon it).
The first piece of Crazy Fallout? Why, that’d be Viso’s response to the incident, of course. And more specifically, what he now thinks of Moraes:
“A monkey with a bag of money(!!!!!!!!!!!!!)”
Your move, Mario.
[battens down the hatches]
By JT, July 13, 2009 @ 3:03 pm
It seems to me that there’s an actual disease out there for drivers that is more contagious than swine flu. The scientists haven’t given it an official name yet, but in underground circles, it’s referred to as “Paul Tracy Syndrome.”
The symptoms of PTS are generally easy to spot. They’re usually triggered by microphone foam covers and start in the throat. The victim shows signs of a pseudo-Tourettes like reaction. But instead of spouting off cuss-words, he/she repeatedly shouts phrases such as, “He blatantly cut me off” and “The guy’s a menace!”
From there, the victim develops nervous twitches that affect their overall motor skills. Many drivers with PTS have spasms in their forearms that cause them to suddenly jerk the steering wheel into the wall or even other cars. They tend to be unaware of their affliction and lash out at the unfortunate soul or concrete barrier that dared to “get in their way.”
The most severe stage of PTS causes a “disconnect” between the brain and the muscles controlling the legs. Many drivers who have reached this stage will forget to move their foot from the gas pedal to the brake and simply run over or into another car. On rare occasions, the brain regains control of the leg muscles once the driver has overshot a turn. In these cases, it’s common for the driver to become overzealous reentering the course and forget that there are 20+ other cars turning laps. Unfortunately, these instances have always resulted in collisions, especially with other drivers who have contracted PTS.
The final stage of PTS results in the victim bouncing from team to team looking for a cure. However, with each change in team, the victim is less likely to recover from the disease. Slower and less reliable equipment is usually the only option at these locations, which only inflames the symptoms of PTS. To date, only one anonymous driver has been cured of PTS, although relapses have been known to occur in small spurts.
If you see a driver showing outward signs of PTS, please avoid contact at all costs. If racing against a driver you know to have PTS, choose your line carefully. On ovals and natural road courses, be sure only to pass them in a straightaway. If stuck behind one on a street course, your only hope of getting around them is to beat them out of the pits. DO NOT attempt to pass a PTS victim on a street course! Maintain an adequate distance from each victim during green flag conditions. This will ensure that you can avoid the majority of the debris from the wreck they are bound to cause and prevent you from becoming a part of that wreck.
The most severe cases (except for said host) of PTS require quarantine. These drivers are usually shipped off to other racing series, such as F1 or Sprint Cup. Many drivers with PTS simply have no where to go and are left unemployed. They often wind up in messy divorces or starting business ventures that are based on horrible ideas. Sometimes at night, you can hear them off in the distance humming “Back Home Again in Indiana.” Often though, they abruptly stop humming with no logical explanation for their actions. The only sound that remains is the faint sound of them muttering, “fuuuuueeeel strateeeeeeggggyyyyyy.”
By H.B. Donnelly, July 14, 2009 @ 6:02 pm
Obviously, symptoms suddenly stop at a certain point, ’cause the syndrome’s namesake doesn’t seem to have it anymore. He was makin’ it happen hard with the pass attempts and it was a silly lack of backing-off that led to the contact. Mario Moraes, however…he’s in the most debilitating stage of the disease.
By silvia, July 14, 2009 @ 7:47 pm
You can be critical without being offensive. Really rude and offensive cartoon. Aren’t you smart enough to critisize someone without being offensive about it?
By Roy Hobbson, July 15, 2009 @ 8:17 am
Does “critisize” mean “directly quote” in Portuguese? I hope so.