Welcome back to The Pagodium — IndyCar’s pressroom equivalent of the Thunder Dome. For there are no rules here. There is nothing off limits … except, of course, for the mundane. That is off limits, and will be dealt with swiftly. The Pagodium hog-ties the mundane and beats it senseless with a sack full of Ferris [...]

Most of you probably didn’t notice that last week some driver you never heard of was announced by some team that hasn’t won an IndyCar race in years. This was because at that very moment you were busy watching two million people shivering with joy as part of the peaceful transfer of power in our [...]

“You are sent from the IndyCar Series, yes?” he asked — in near-perfect English — between puffs of what I knew to be an opium pipe. He had yet to even look up in my direction.
“Indeed,” I replied, with obscene amounts of fake confidence. Fake in the sense that I was actually terrified & queasy. A dark, delapitated, 118-degree Nicaraugan jungle shack littered [...]

Just gaze upon this here picture. GAZE UPON IT, I SAY! Focus in on the seduction … but don’t ignore the smarm either. Shhhhhhh. Give in to it. Let it embrace you. Let it caress your soul and/or thighs, just as it wants. Good, good, good.
Anddddddddd … stop.
Ladies — you are now pregnant.
Gentlemen — you are [...]

 
After seeing ESPN’s pathetic clutch at drumming up excitement by pulling the mildly intriguing TJV/VS (Tirico-Jackson-Van Gundy/Vitale-Shulman) switch of an NBA broadcast team calling an NCAA game, and the caricature-of-his-former-self calling an NBA game … I started harkening back to some of the ill-fated marketing attempts on the IndyCar front.  I don’t want to say IndyCar [...]

One of the most prolific and inspirational thinkers of our time once said:
“Our shadow, the dark side. C.G. Hume writes about it, in terms of the fact that every one of us has a dark side. And my dark side, my shadow, my lower companion is now in the back room blowing up balloons for [...]

These are dark times in Indianapolis. Dark, sorrowful, rage-filled times. For the Colts are no more, I’m afraid. They’ve been ousted. By the detestable, slack-jawed Chargers. Again. And I want to clusterbomb something.